Trust God

Death and Emotions

We are trained as firefighters and EMS through repetition so that when seconds count we don't have to think about how to accomplish a task, we just do it. From donning our breathing apparatus to drawing specific drug dosages it becomes second nature and we do it without thinking about it.
We become sort of robots that are trained to block out our own emotions and the chaos around us to perform at our very best.
Some of us have become very good at using this ability to block out chaos and our emotions to accomplish a task. I used this ability to speak at my sisters funeral and to be there for my family during their time of need. It can be very useful when you don't have time to process your emotions at that specific moment. The difficult part of this process is remembering that you must eventually come to terms with those emotions or they will come back to haunt you.
In emergency services, this process of coming to terms is called CISD Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. It's a process of releasing this huge volume of stress and emotions in an appropriate way. After a particularly difficult call, a CISD team will be called in to work with the group to release the suppressed emotions. It's an important step in supporting the emotional needs of our emergency services workers.
The takeaway in this is that everyone processes events differently. Don't judge people by the way you see them react, they might be delaying the emotional processing until a later date

May 20

Yesterday was a difficult day for me, it was my little sister Amanda's birthday.

I remember when she was little, teaching her what day her birthday was. May 20th I'd say... her reply was May 20. I always teased her about that, but I never forgot the date of her birthday just based on the way she said it.

I miss you very much Sis. Happy Birthday in heaven and I'll see you up there someday.

Love,

Your Big Brother

Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of the event that forever changed my life's path. Yes, one year ago today I was fighting for my life in a bed in ICU.

How did I spend the day? I spent the day with my family, enjoyed a quiet lunch with my wife, and attended a kindergarden program at Grace Christian. I spent the day with the people I love, the very people I fought so hard to live for.

Thank you everyone who has been a part of my recovery. Everyone who helped make my home accessible, orchestrated and attended the many fundraisers, donated time and/or money, and those who took the time to pray for my recovery. I am truly in your debt for everything you have done.

I could not have made it through this without my loving wife. The woman who affectionately earned the title "Mama Bear" from the staff at the hospital. Thank you honey, for everything you have done. I Love You.

Why am I able to walk in my dreams?

Why am I able to walk in my dreams?

Never once, in any of my dreams, have I been handicapped. It's odd to be able walk and run in my dreams, but unable to do so in reality.

I was once told that dreams are driven by your soul. Evidentially my soul doesn't know that my body is handicapped.

Grace Christian

I have to admit, I thought I would be the last parent in the whole world to send my children to a private school. Isn't that why there is a line item on my property taxes marked school? Angie and I attended public school and we turned out fine. My older two children attended public school and went onto college. What's the difference?

You can tell the difference from the moment you walk in the door. Chances are there will be a student there to greet you at the door. The attitude of these children is amazing. Children of every age are helpful and respectful.

The teachers are very caring and genuinely want the children to excel. The Grace teachers are much more than just teachers. The night of my accident, Alex's preschool teachers drove an hour to sit and pray with Angie in the emergency room. At Grace, our children are much more than just students, they are part of the Grace family.

This all started with Angie and I looking for a preschool for Alex. What we found was more than just a preschool, we found a community that welcomed us in with open arms.

Thank you Grace Christian family, for introducing us to a better education and accepting us into your family.

A Constant Remider

Individual: "You are getting really good in that thing (wheelchair), before long you will forget your even in one"
Me: "Thanks"

What I really wanted to say: I don't really think I'll ever forget that I'm confined to a wheelchair. My whole world is one constant reminder of my situation. Everything I look at and everything I do reminds me of this wheelchair.

I can't really see this as a valid explanation... Visual: me laying on my back at the bottom of a long flight of stairs trying to explain to the people trying to help me get back into my chair... Oh, I'm sorry, I must have forgotten that I'm in a wheelchair.

I lived 36 years with the ability to walk and run, and don't think I'll soon forget that. I'm just praying that this will get easier as time goes by.