Sunday, May 27, 2012

Love / Hate

It's been a year since the accident and I've now been using a wheelchair now for six months. It's slowly becoming normal that I must use this device every waking hour to get around. It's become both my best friend and my sworn enemy. Much like a relationship, we have good days and bad days together.

Our good days are filled with proper transfers, correct tire positioning, and weight balance. Every obstacle is conquered with grace and smoothness. The days when everything goes right its almost like a well disciplined team.

Our bad days are... Well Bad. When we fight, I always end up loosing. Most of the time, I end up sprawled across the carpet or pavement. The chair, still upright, reminding me who is in charge.

So I have a love hate relationship with this device.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Trust God

Monday, May 21, 2012

Death and Emotions

We are trained as firefighters and EMS through repetition so that when seconds count we don't have to think about how to accomplish a task, we just do it. From donning our breathing apparatus to drawing specific drug dosages it becomes second nature and we do it without thinking about it.
We become sort of robots that are trained to block out our own emotions and the chaos around us to perform at our very best.
Some of us have become very good at using this ability to block out chaos and our emotions to accomplish a task. I used this ability to speak at my sisters funeral and to be there for my family during their time of need. It can be very useful when you don't have time to process your emotions at that specific moment. The difficult part of this process is remembering that you must eventually come to terms with those emotions or they will come back to haunt you.
In emergency services, this process of coming to terms is called CISD Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. It's a process of releasing this huge volume of stress and emotions in an appropriate way. After a particularly difficult call, a CISD team will be called in to work with the group to release the suppressed emotions. It's an important step in supporting the emotional needs of our emergency services workers.
The takeaway in this is that everyone processes events differently. Don't judge people by the way you see them react, they might be delaying the emotional processing until a later date

May 20

Yesterday was a difficult day for me, it was my little sister Amanda's birthday.

I remember when she was little, teaching her what day her birthday was. May 20th I'd say... her reply was May 20. I always teased her about that, but I never forgot the date of her birthday just based on the way she said it.

I miss you very much Sis. Happy Birthday in heaven and I'll see you up there someday.


Your Big Brother

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Today is the anniversary of the event that forever changed my life's path. Yes, one year ago today I was fighting for my life in a bed in ICU.

How did I spend the day? I spent the day with my family, enjoyed a quiet lunch with my wife, and attended a kindergarden program at Grace Christian. I spent the day with the people I love, the very people I fought so hard to live for.

Thank you everyone who has been a part of my recovery. Everyone who helped make my home accessible, orchestrated and attended the many fundraisers, donated time and/or money, and those who took the time to pray for my recovery. I am truly in your debt for everything you have done.

I could not have made it through this without my loving wife. The woman who affectionately earned the title "Mama Bear" from the staff at the hospital. Thank you honey, for everything you have done. I Love You.